1. Start here

Hard to believe it was just a few weeks ago that I was diagnosed with a malignant squamous cell tumor on the base of my tongue. Seems like forever. Maybe that's because I've spent the last 8 months trying to figure out why I had a pain in my mouth. After seeing 2 ENT docs, one of whom said I was grinding my teeth and the other that I had TMJ, enduring a root canal and a tooth extraction, an acupuncturist finally said "hey you know your tongue is crooked!?" That lead me to a neurologist who had me get a neck CAT scan which showed a lump on my tongue. I took that to a 3rd ENT who said, "cancer." When he took a biopsy it was conclusive. Stage 1 or 2 out of 4. That means it could be a whole lot worse. Mine hasn't spread, at least as far as a PET scan could tell.

During this whole ordeal I was checking the internet and scaring the crap out of myself. There's a surgical way to remove the tumor. That involves splitting the jaw down the middle in order to get to the tongue. One doc described it as 'flaying.' The other procedures are chemo and radiation. I've opted for the latter two. I also learned that these cancers are quick spreading. They can turn up in the lymphnodes or worse, in the lungs, in which case it's not curable. When I read this I started to get a little nervous.

Once we (my wife Betsy and I) began to meet the specialists it was like we'd found a whole new breed of doctor. Smart, inquisitive, attentive, and compassionate. The extremely voluble medical radiologist stressed from the first moment, "listen to me, this is curable. It won't be easy, but it is curable." That is now our mantra. When I asked what would happen if I did nothing (silly me) he responded "pardon my French, you're f**ked!" Convinced me. The radiation treatment will be 15 minutes 5 days a week for 7 weeks. The first few weeks won't be so bad. The rest will be. It will become hard to swallow. Saliva could become "rope-like." The hair will stop growing on my cheek, and will not come back. The skin will hurt. I'll lose at least some of my sense of taste - perhaps permanently. I'll be more susceptible to mouth infections. And for three years after treatment I'll be at higher risk for the recurrence of cancers.

The medical oncologist was more understated, but no less direct. He said there's no solid proof that chemo helps in early stage cancers like mine, but there's also no proof it doesn't. And it does help in later stage cancers. So, he said, it's worth using it to attack my cancer with a "bigger hammer." There are side effects however: possible diarrhea and definite acne. In fact the acne is a sign it's working. The acne could become quite severe. I get chemo once a week for about an hour and a half.

And one more thing. I need to get a PEG tube, tomorrow. That's a stomach tube. In case I end up not being able to eat I can pump the food in and maintain strength. I might not need it, but it's better to have it already than to interrupt treatment to get it.

So there you have it. The makings of a new adventure. At first it seemed sort of exciting but as reality has set in, in the form of my first chemo session yesterday, it is getting a little scary. Luckily I've got some great friends & loved ones caring for and feeding me. Did I mention that I've got to gain 10 pounds in a week? Also big props to all the folks at my job who are so understanding.

The big challenge, as I see it: maintain a sense of humor while fully appreciating the cold, hard reality of the situation. Let's see how it goes.

In future episodes: allergic reactions to chemo! And PEG tube installation! Stay tuned.

"What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." Frederich Nietzche