4. C-Day!

This is it. 11:12pm on Sunday 3/15. Tomorrow morning at 9:30 I get my first radiation treatment, followed at around 11 with my second chemo treatment. I've taken my first dose of methylprednisolone, the steroid that is supposed to prevent my allergic reaction to erbitux, the chemo agent. I take another 2 hours before treatment.

How do I feel? Apprehensive. Excited. Anxious. Relieved.

I have a new image that I will keep in mind throughout this treatment. The elimination of the cancer is also the elimination of all the things that are holding me back from being the person I really want to be. Goodbye fear. Goodbye selfishness. Goodbye delusion. Yeah I know it takes more than removing the tumor to make all these things happen. But it's a good place to start. The goal is to be healthy, happy, whole, engaged, motivated, alive!!!

Thanks again to everyone who has already been so great even before the real work has begun. Betsy and I have had so many great meals, conversations, excursions, & offers of help that I am humbled and very grateful. In fact, so far, my experience has been almost entirely positive. That's so weird. I've already shared some of the negatives, probably because those stories seem more dramatic. In the end, though, I think all the great support is really the story. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

That being said, I do plan on telling the story of getting my feeding tube, but not right now. I've had the thing for just over a week. I think I may be starting to adjust to it. It's not that it's a big item. It's just inconveniently placed about an inch above my belly button. So things like bike riding, running, lifting all affect it, and so far, not for the best. Hopefully once it's settled in it will be less annoying.

One cool option with the tube: I can set it up to slowly feed me a day's worth of meals at night while I sleep. (The other option is regular feedings during the day.) That sounds kind of astronauty or futuristic to me. The day will come when we no longer burden ourselves with the need to stop periodically during the day to chow down. Think of all the time we'll gain when we don't spend it masticating! I'll report back on how that works out.

And now I'm gonna try and get to sleep at a reasonable time so I'm rarin' to go tomorrow.

Ready for liftoff Captain!

Wish me luck!!