15. passover

As the rest of the Jewish community celebrated on Wed. evening, I had my own silent party in honor of passing over the halfway point in my 7 weeks of radiation treatments. As I write this on Sunday I am about to enter week 5. That means only 3 measly weeks to go. In my head I'm rejoicing. My body however, is in a different place.

Week 4 was intense. I now have an intimate relationship with 'ropey' saliva. As expected, it has it's own unique texture, but it also has a flavor of its own, which I'll pass on describing. Luckily rinsing with salt water helps to dissipate it a bit. This was also my first week without any solid food, unless you count soup broth, which meant getting much more familiar with the feeding tube. I was introduced to an instant breakfast product that contains 500 calories per 8 oz serving. Very helpful. I started counting the rotations of the radiation beam as it circles my head. Strangely, I got 27 orbits one day, 18 the next, then 26 the day after. In actuality it is the same every day. I am amazed how easily I am distracted while under the beam. I also learned that there is about a 4 day lag on when I'm dosed and when I feel it. That means I feel Monday's treatment on Thursday and my weekend break actually manifests itself starting Tuesday! Fun facts.

But the most interesting part of the week was experimenting with drugs.

I have been taking 5 mg of percocet, aka oxycodeine, every 6 hours (I had mistakenly thought I was taking oxycontin, but that's a slightly different med.). But I was finding it didn't last very long. I was given a prescription for a liquid morphine derivative but that just made me dizzy and nauseaous, so I stopped taking it. I then increased the percocet to every 4 hours, but that was a lot of pill taking. So I was prescribed a transdermal patch of fentanyl that lasts 72 hours at a stretch. I attached it on Thursday at 12:30 PM. At first it was like a miracle cure. I felt much better. My mouth didn't hurt. My mood was enhanced. Everything seemed great. But by Thursday night I was getting nauseous and very sleepy. On Friday morning I had to lie down at the hospital right up until I got my radiation and then quickly head for the car and sit, otherwise the nausea returned. I spent the rest of Friday sleeping or at least resting in a prone position. The doctor said that there was a period of adjustment and we should see how it goes for the next 24 hours. By Saturday the nausea had slightly passed but I was still extremely tired and kind of dizzy. Finally by Sat. afternoon Betsy and I decided the cons outweighed the pros and we took the patch off. Within an hour I wasn't so tired, the dizziness and nausea were completely gone and my mouth was hurting again. What a relief. So, now I'm back to percocet every 4 hours. Oh well.

In other news: Betsy has tried all kinds of very soft foods in an effort to keep me eating through my mouth, with very little success. Everything seems to burn the sores in my mouth or hurt to swallow, or both. Cream of wheat is too thick. Miso soup is too grainy. Peach syrup burns. Rice sticks in my throat. The only thing that works is tea, preferably yogi soothing throat tea, gatorade, and vitamin water. I have been able to drink some fresh vegetable juices, but not consitently.

I saw my managing doctor this week for a status check. He's the ENT that is the coordinator of this whole treatment. It was kind of anti-climactic. We expected him to check me out and officially declare that treatment is working and surgery is no longer necessary, but no. He basically seemed to be interested in seeing that I'm still alive. Had a cursory look at my throat and said I should see him when radiation is officially over. I guess he stays out of the mix until then.

And how am I doing? Not quite as cheerful as I've been. Watching more TV. It's hard to read for very long. Can't really concentrate on work much either. Luckily, I've been able to hand most of that off. Haven't been to the gym in a few weeks. Could only manage a couple of yoga sessions early last week. Haven't played drums in forever. More tired. More pained. I miss food, but am not very hungry. People continue to be very giving, but I'm feeling more private. Want to sleep or be by myself much of the time. Betsy continues to be a very helpful and positive force. I am hanging in and reminding myself, again, that I'm still much luckier than a good many folks with cancer. And that the pain is healing pain. And, according to my doc the pain might level off by the end of week 5. I'll believe it when I see it, but it is something to hope for. And besides it's only 3 more weeks.

And speaking of belief: have a good Easter all you who celebrate!