14. almost halfway

It's Sunday evening, actually Monday morning. In 9 hours I begin my 4th week of treatment. "How's it going?" I hear you asking. Here's an inventory.

1. I now have mucositis. Basically that means cold sores, and I've got a lot of 'em. My tongue hurts, my throat hurts, my gums hurt. Luckily you don't get it on your teeth.
2. I have begun using my 'peg' tube since my mouth problems (see #1) have made eating solid foods very difficult. I still do it - mostly because Betsy is pushing me to keep it up. She says we were told if I don't keep it up I could lose the ability to swallow. I don't know if I swallow that explanation, but I agree it's better to keep exercising the muscle. However, it takes me hours to eat a tiny portion and probably burns up more calories than I ingest. That's where the tube comes in handy. I pour Ensure into it. That stuff is foul, but luckily you don't taste it in the tube...except when you burp. Totally gross, right? I can still drink bevs and eat soups and do so.
3. Acne is pretty under control. Still have it on face, chest and back, but it doesn't really hurt anymore.
4. Beard. I have a light beard, as if I haven't shaved for a day or so. But I haven't shaved for nearly a week. My question is this: should I keep the stubble forever so I'll always have that 5:00 shadow look? Or shave it and say good by to facial hair?
5. Moods. Getting kind of grumpy, especially when my mouth and throat are paining me. That's usually when I wake up in the morning. Then I feel fairly good when I get to my radiation treatment. About 3 I start to feel the dose and get tired and my throat starts to hurt again. Grumpiness ensues. Rest of the day pain comes and goes.
6. Job. Last week was the finale on my going into NYC every day to work until this is over. I'll work from home as much as I can and try to get into the office on Wed. afternoons for the next few weeks. Everyone at my job has been great and super supportive. I'm very lucky.
7. Drugs. I've been using mostly Alleve with the occasional Oxycotin up to now, but I have some sort of morphine related narcotic that I'll be breaking out soon. The doc said that I will get addicted to it, but they'll wean me off when it's all over. That creeps me out a little. On the other hand, I do like not feeling too much pain. I also have been taking a sleeping pill from time to time. Sometimes it works and sometimes, not. I also have some swish and swallow pink stuff that prevents mouth fungus - yeah gross again, and a pill twice a day to help control the chemo side effects. And the steroids I take before chemo.
8. Friends, and you know who you are! This is by far the best part of cancer. I've been in touch with so many folks I haven't heard from in forever, which is fantastic. And the friends that I am in regular contact with have been incredibly supportive. (I got a full report on Murm's memorial from Mike this afteroon. It was great.) It almost makes the whole experience worth it. Almost.
9. Exercise. Have been fairly inactive this past week. Today I mowed the lawn, seeded and fertilized. That felt good. Here's a helpful tip: fertilizer that kills crabgrass also prevents seeds from sprouting, which means that I spent 2 hours raking and seeding for naught. Another tip: read the instructions first.
10. Parentals. Very supportive, in their own way. Non-intrusive. Worried. Don't be too worried folks, I'm ok and I'm gonna be much better. Love you!
11. Esther. Great kid! Cleaned yard with her friends. Checks in. Helps Betsy. With Konrad, bringing "Grand Theft Auto" for me to try. Keeping it together. There for me. Love you!
12. Betsy. She has been a fantastic, pain-in-the-ass head nurse. Makes me eat. Cooks food that I end up not being able to eat without complaint. Checks that I'm drinking. Advises on meds. Comes with me on Mondays for the big double header, and Thursdays. Chooses books and reads them to me. Cleans the cat box. Watches movies with me. Massages my back. Puts up with my moods. Couldn't do it without you. Love you!

And now that I've taken my first steroids for tomorrow's chemo it's time for bed.

4 more weeks!!

Addendum: Turns out that I've maxed out on toxicity from the chemo, so I get to skip it this week. Yahoo!