26. healing, man

One more radiation treatment to go!

It's hard to believe the end is so near. Partly that's because I've learned to have such low/no expectations. 'Take each day as it comes' is my new philosophy, learned by hard experience. Every time I've allowed myself to become optimistic there has been some new set back: dehydration, burns, oi! But I can't help but be excited. If I can just make it through the rest of today and tomorrow morning I'll be on to phase 2: recovery.

Just this morning it seemed another disaster was in the making. As I was applying my skin cream I noticed a small bump under my chin. "Oh no, another TUMOR!" my inner voice screamed. It was possible that it was a pimple, or something brought on by the burns, but "TUMOR" was hard to get out of my head. And even more so once I mentioned it to Betsy. So we left the house early to be sure to have time to see Dr. Zablow before treatment, just in case the radiation was somehow feeding this new little monster. (I think I've seen that in a horror movie, or was it a comic book?)

The ride to the hospital was quiet as Betsy mulled over what another tumor would mean and I psyched myself up for the radiation treatment. My throat is pretty sore and my gag reflex is at an all time low. It's extra hard to get the mouth gag thing in, and then wait patiently through the tedious process of CAT scan, then the long lull while a doctor reviews the scan, and finally the treatment.

We were assigned room 3. Our usual room, 4, was being used for some sort of meeting. So we were a little off base. Colleen came in. She felt my new growth, nodded and went to find Dr. Z. He came in quickly, felt it and said "if you can move the growth around freely it's not a tumor." His diagnosis: a pimple. He asked Betsy to move, telling her, "I love popping pimples and you're in the line of fire." But it was a false alarm. He decided it wasn't ready to pop, wished me luck and was gone.

I wish I could say with the pressure off that treatment was a breeze. But it wasn't. Every treatment is like a new test. As I expected, I had trouble getting the mouth gag in. Then once I had it in, it seemed like my face mask was tighter than usual, so tight that I could barely open my eyes. At least the CAT scan went fairly uneventfully. But the wait afterward seemed interminable. Then I got zapped and was done.

Now, back home, I've been sleeping for a couple of hours in between bouts of trying to clear out phlegm which Dr. Z says has been solidifying in the back of my throat (yuck!) and choking me. I'm also trying to be conscious that I still need to hydrate. Because the end is so near, I keep forgeting. I will have to keep it up even after treatment, although it will be a little less dire. It's the radiation that dehydrates, as did chemo, as do the pain killers.

Knocking on wood that tomorrow goes well, what's next? It will be 6 or 7 weeks till I get my PET scan to determine if the tumor has been completely obliterated. That's how long it takes to clear the radiation, and everything else, out of my system. Recovery is supposed to take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. I will be meeting with Dr. Z regularly so he can monitor my progress, and pop any new pimples. This period is when opportunistic tumors are known to show up. But Dr. Z is confident that my recovery will be relatively fast, and hopefully without complications. I am looking forward to having a clear throat. Even more, I can't wait to eat food again. That will be a glorious day! Although I recommend Carnation Instant Breakfast VHC (Very High Calorie: 560!) to anyone going through this kind of treatment, I hope I never have to 'drink' it again. It's so thick I've had to cut it 50/50 with water to get it down the feeding tube. The few times I've tasted it, when I've accidentally coughed it up, the 'vanilla/vanilla swirl' flavor has not impressed me. It will also be very nice to have my tube removed.

So all you folks out there please do me a solid and cross your fingers that this will really be it. I'm done with this adventure.

Thanks.

One more day!!!